Jessica's Mumbo Jumbo

Take a glimpse into the world of an inattentive, oversensitive,hyperactive,& unorganized 33 year old mother with Attention Deficit Disorder!

Archive for the tag “job”

Oh, Inspiration! I miss you so!

I know that it has been quite a while since I last posted on my blog, and this is highly unlike me, but, unfortunately, I have not felt inspired since I lost my job. I know, it is pathetic of me. And I know what you are thinking…. “Come on Jess! Just move on and get over it already!” “I am sick of reading your depressing posts.” LOL… But… I just want to see if anyone can relate to what it is that I am currently feeling. If you find that you can relate, then maybe you can help me to learn how to feel inspired again.

If there is one thing that I learned from losing something that I loved (that being my job), is that when you love something, it inspires you to do things that you never thought that you had the capability of doing. This may sound a little corny, and I know I have always associated feeling inspiration with human relationships, but I never thought a job would inspire me. ever. Not in a trillion years.

I have always been a “workaholic” my whole life and have held many jobs. Out of all of the jobs that I have had in the past, I never once felt an ounce of inspiration, happiness or contentment. That was of course true, until I became a teacher. With this new found happiness and contentment came new found inspiration. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING has ever made me feel inspired until I became a teacher. Screw the ADD medicine that I have taken my whole life to help me with motivation. My teaching job was my drug and it truly inspired me.

I loved being a teacher and actually looked forward to coming to work each and everyday. It did not feel like a job when I was in the classroom teaching. I knew that I was contributing to society and making the world a better place. With that being said, I felt content when I left work everyday and went home. I thought to myself, “Wow, I finally found my calling and am changing students’ lives.”
I thought to myself THIS IS WHAT I WORKED SO HARD TO ACHIEVE. TO MAKE OTHERS’ LIVES BETTER. TO TEACH. INSPIRE. I can finally be happy.

Being a teacher inspired me in so many ways. When you work with teenagers, you learn to appreciate life more. I was inspired to love my life all over again, and to remember what it is like to be young again. I loved seeing my students’ succeed, and achieve accomplishments. I loved providing them with a safe place to go to everyday. I inspired them to reach goals that they never had, and they did the same for me.

Out of no where, (and this literally came out of left field), I felt inspired to start new hobbies. When I was teaching, I started to get involved in a plethora of activities and hobbies. I taught myself how to knit, create jewelry out of recycled materials, and paint. I also started doing photography and even created my very own blog. I started to exercise (well, Jazzercise) —–and I hate exercising! I felt so content with my life and extremely happy, that I felt inspired to try new hobbies and to learn new things.

For some strange reason, all of that inspiration has vanished and I wish it would return. For a person like myself, with ADD, to learn all of these new hobbies was groundbreaking. Unfortunately, as we all may know, not all good things can last forever.

After losing my teaching job, I have not even felt an ounce of inspiration to do much of anything, and I know many people are becoming frustrated with me. I have not even attempted to search for a new teaching job, and my resume remains outdated in a file in my computer as we speak. I feel that it will stay that way for a while. Why wouldn’t I want these feelings of contenment, inspiration and happiness to return? Beats me.

Is it because I feel like I failed miserably at something? Do I fear that I will fail again? How can a job suck the life and inspiration out of you. This summer, I have not knitted, created jewelry,looked for a job, taken photos, or anything of the sort. I have not written on my blog in months! You guys are my witnesses! Even my husband does not understand, and finds my behavior baffling. He says “Jess, your life is not bad. I know what you are capable of.”And the crazy thing is…. I know that he is right!

I just have this feeling deep down within. It is not a sad feeling, but just an uninspired feeling. A feeling that my inspiration is gone and will never return. I want that feeling to come back so that I can start doing all of those things that I loved doing. Has anyone felt this way before? Can you relate?

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Do what you love….

One of my fellow coworkers just recently quit her job teaching because she wants to do what she loves,to be a mom. We were all betting money that she would not come back since she took a year off. Then the news spread like wild-fire that she was no longer going to continue being an English teacher at our school. I kind of new that from the get-go. It is really not such a difficult choice.

On the outside, she seemed to be VERY happy teaching at our school.She was so happy that it made you wonder what you were doing incorrectly, and made you question whether or not teaching was the right career choice for you. She kind of made you feel unhuman or crazy because you actually showed that you were unhappy about a student telling you off, or ticked off at your supervisor and overwhelmed at times. However, looks can be deceiving.

Yes, on the outside, she seemed to be perfect, but a little too perfect. I knew that no one could be that perfect, and that behind that fake facade was really someone who hated her job. I knew it was just a matter of time. After she quit, I found out more about who she truly is as a person by reading her blog. It is strange how you can work with someone for years and know nothing about them, until you read their blog. Turns out that she DREADED teaching and started having anxiety about returning in September. It kind of gave me a piece of mind. I thought to myself…ok I am not crazy after all. It is the ones who act normal that are truly crazy!! SUCCESS!

She inspired me to pursue doing the things that I love. Since teaching is such a demanding and time consuming job, you have to dedicate A LOT of your time and you have the tendency to forget what is truly important in life.–Taking care of yourself and enjoying time with your family and friends, and most importantly.–doing the things that you love. My coworker now blogs daily, does photography, jogs, cuts hair, travels and hangs with her friends. Many of the things that I wish I could do too. Let me not forget…She even posted a picture of herself having drinks with her friends on Facebook! A major no-no for teachers. Heck, I have not been able to do that since college!

But to get to my point, I could never think about quitting my teaching job. I actually look forward to going in everyday and am very excited about teaching my “kids.”Yes, I consider them to be my children.

Although I love my teaching job, and cannot picture myself doing anything else, I have those days when I feel unappreciated and feel mentally abused so-to-speak. However, the good days, teachable moments and the reminders from students that you are a great teacher are what make my job worthwhile. Despite the fact that I cannot picture myself doing anything else, I have been feeling inspired to do what I love. I have a very creative mind and love, love, love to create things. I just wonder what would I be able to actually accomplish if I had the time to invest in creating more….becoming an entrepreneur.

I create bottle cap jewelry, knit, and do photography. I truly LOVE doing these things and, I wish that I could start my own business somehow…someway…someday. It truly is an investment of time ,and I am not sure if I am ready just yet to actually do what I love when I am still in love with my current position. I guess I will have to wait until I completely fall out of love with being a teacher to pursue my other love, but who knows how long that will be…. and who knows if that will ever really happen…. I guess we will have to wait and see….

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