Jessica's Mumbo Jumbo

Take a glimpse into the world of an inattentive, oversensitive,hyperactive,& unorganized 33 year old mother with Attention Deficit Disorder!

Archive for the category “Family”

How Molly became Moe, a little bit about my crazy cat!

 

 

moe12I know that readers are not mainly interested in reading posts about my pets, but I had to share some photos of my cat, Moe, whom I might add is very photogenic and who loves to get his photo taken. I swear, when I take his photograph, it’s like being at a photo shoot. Moe is an indoor, outside cat and comes and goes as he pleases. Therefore, when it is nice and sunny outside, I love to take pictures of him lounging around  in the sun.I know what some of you may be thinking, “Who the heck names their cat, Moe?” (unless of course you are a fan of the three stooges). In my eyes, it is not much of a cat name. To make a long story short, when I first adopted Moe, we thought he was a she. I know. I know. How do you not know whether or not your cat is a girl or a boy? I mean, come on, it is obvious! right? wrong!! The people who we adopted him from said he was a girl, and from what we saw, he definitely was a girl! So, at that time,  I decided to name her Molly.

A month had passed, and  we noticed that Molly’s demeanor was much more masculine and it was clearly apparent that she was a boy. I know that  this whole story may sound a bit stupid or unbelievable, but I guess Moe (Molly at the time) did not start “developing” until he was a month or so older.  I then decided to name him Moe, so I was not fully changing his identity too much.lol. Usually, you can tell the sex of your pet right off of the bat, but this was not in Moe’s case. Either way, I love Moe just the same. Girl or boy.

What I have found and learned from being a cat owner is that taking care of a cat is much more easier than taking care of a dog. Moe is a very independent and self- sufficient cat. He pretty much takes care of himself and comes and goes as he pleases. Dogs cannot leave the house without getting hit by a car (this happened to my dog–unfortunately).

I know that cats usually stay either indoors or outdoors, however, Moe chose to have the best of both worlds. When he wants to come in, he meows by the front door. The best is that he does not require a litter box, (because his bathroom is in the woods) and he takes very good care of himself. Now this is all his choice. He is also kind of OCD when it comes to cleaning his coat. Moe’s fur is the cleanest and softest coat you will ever feel! He likes things so clean, that you can find him cleaning our dog’s ears. It is too funny!

On another note, my husband and I have nicknamed, Moe, the “litter police”  because he likes to collect litter from around our house and he places it in a neat pile on our stoop. Then he sits on the stoop and stares at you until you pick it up and throw it away.I give the little guy a lot of credit for caring about the environment. The only unfortunate thing about Moe is that, occassionally, he can be found hunting baby animals in which he proudly drops off on our front stoop as a “gift.” I mean, I appreciate his thoughtfulness and all, but really, who wants to see a dead baby rabbit, possum, bird or chipmunk on their front stoop? It totally grosses me out.

One time, Moe exhibited what I would like to call non-cat-like-behavior when he decided to be “giving” with his food that day. It was about 5 in the morning and he had actually brought a “friend” home. Since my cat is what I would like to consider very high-maintenance, he only associates himself with other good looking cats. Oddly, Moe enjoys sharing his food with this stray cat ,which is a very rare breed, and very clean and goodlooking. You never find Moe hanging around with the grungy looking stray cats, only the good looking cats such as himself. I just found it to be quite odd that he shared his food so willingly.Maybe he feels that it was the closest thing he will ever be to a father? Who knows.

During the winter, Moe still wants to go outside. You would think that even on the exceptionally cold days he would want to come inside. No, not him, he is too independent. He chooses to stay warm by sitting directly on the top of the hood of my car. I mean, how strange is that?? How often do you see a cat sitting on the top of the hood of your car?

Sometimes I wonder how he survives outside because he lacks common sense. Recently, it was much more colder than usual and he decided to hide under my car to get more heat, and, as a result, he received an extremely bad burn directly  on the top of his head from my exhaust pipe. The poor little guy came running in, whimpering with steam coming directly off the top of his head!He was walking around with a little bald spot, which was both sad and cute at the same time. But this is the life that he wants to live. lol.

Anyway, enough of my rambling on about Moe, I hope you enjoy his pics. Just wanted to show you how beautiful he truly is! (: (they are under photography section)

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What is it like being adopted?

I have always wondered what it must be like to have grown up with parents that you can call your own. I know how silly this must sound, but this is something that I have always wondered about since the moment that I was told that I was adopted.

When you are a little kid, you are not really sure what being adopted exactly means, but you believe your adopted mother when she says “You are special, Jess.” “God wanted us to have you.” I remember thinking, “Wow, that is so cool, I was chosen!” Then as you grow up and you learn more about the world around you, your childhood innocence begins to fade ever so slightly.

Going food shopping was a nightmare. I used to look for a resemblance in any couple that passed me in the aisle. I had this plan that I would boldly walk up to them, tap them on the shoulder and say “Exxxxxxcusseeee me, arrrrreeee youuuuu, my real parents?” However, my fear of strangers would kick in and that boldness would subside. As I became a teenager, that need to find my real parents turned into a feeling of “How the hell could you give up your own child?” Then the rebellion kicked in.

As the years passed, I always had that question in the back of my mind. Actually…. many questions.

When I was in high school, my feelings about being adopted would resurface when I would get into a fight with my adopted mother. Unfortunately, I would use my anger about being adopted as a weapon to hurt my mother when she made me angry. When she used to say “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it.” I would painfully throw back an “Actually, mom, if I am not mistaken, you did not bring me into this world. You just signed the papers” This was followed by a “You ungrateful (followed with a string of profantities)” from my mom. Then from there, I knew to hide at one of my friend’s houses.

Now, I do not want to get into the details of what happened after I made that hurtful statement directed towards my mother. But lets say the aftermath of that statement was not pretty. Lets just say that my mom was an old school italian mother who was born and raised in the Bronx.

Although I loved my mother very much (she passed away when I was 18), I took out my anger about being adopted on her. I don’t know why, but I think sometimes,we do this to the ones that we love or feel the most comfortable with, and I do regret it.

In my early twenties, I had the desire to reach out to the adoption agency. I had always promised my mom that I would never find my biological parents because I considered her to be my real mom. She never discouraged the search, but I knew deep down it hurt her. The thought that I wanted to meet the actual people who gave me up.

The truth is, I did not want to search for them because I wanted to start my life over with my “real” parents, but I, like many other adopted people out there,just want to close that chapter of our lives. You just want to put a face to the image of your parents that you have conjured up in your mind.You want to make sure your parents are not serial killers or something. Thankfully mine are not.

I am going to save my experiences of what it was like to meet my biological mother for another posting, but lets just say that it was a wild roller coaster ride.It was a pretty cool experience. Not what I had experienced,and it came with some dissappointments, but it was worth it.

When are you truly ready to have kids?

My husband and I went out to dinner last night and he looked at me with sincerity in his eyes and stated, out of the blue, “I want to start having kids this summer.” Now, notice this was not posed in the form of a question as to whether or not I am ready just yet to be a mom. It was a “I do not care anymore whether or not you are ready to be a mom, you will give me a god damn child now whether you like it or not” kinda statement. I have been avoiding this discussion and hoping that he would “forget” somehow until I was eventually ready. Well, I was obviously in denial because apparently it is always on his mind since his biological clock it ticking.

To give you a little background, my husband is five years older than I am and has been ready to be a father for the past five years. He has been patiently waiting and has decided that this summer we MUST try to have a baby, no questions asked. Now notice how he has already decided that it is this summer that we will try. I ,on the other-hand, have decided that this summer just is not yet my time. We have been together for 9 years total and have been married for 3 years. We have a beautiful house and both have well paying jobs. The foundation, love and support is there, so there really should not be any question as to whether or not we are ready. Financially, yes, we are ready. Emotionally, yes, we are ready. However, there is something deep down inside me that tells me that I am just not ready yet.

I just cannot exactly place my finger on my reasoning behind why I am not ready. My husband and I started to get into a heated argument last night and it made me feel very guilty. I feel like I should give him exactly what he wants because he is older and we can afford to start a family. My husband loves me,and I know that we would make outstanding parents. So, I really do not know what is preventing me from starting our family. I have decided to compile a list as to why I may not be ready. I wonder if anyone has been through this kind of predicament,and if so, what was the ending result?

These are my reasons:

1. I work full time and already have a difficult time between juggling the responsibilities of being a wife, taking care of our home and keeping up with the demands of being a full time teacher.

2.I am fearful that I will screw up and disappoint my husband when I am a mom.

3.I want to go back to school to get my masters degree.

4.I love to work and if I was a stay at home mom I would lose my mind.

5.I do not want anyone else watching my child while I am working. This would mean that I would have to hire a nanny, and then I would miss out on all of the things that you look forward to when you are a parent: your baby’s first word, first step, etc. etc. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that my child’s nanny was able to witness that before I did. I also wouldn’t want to have to tell my child that I don’t know what their first word was because I was not there to witness it or that their first word was nanny.

6.I do not feel as of right now I am healthy enough to become pregnant. I have heartburn and allergies and I am over weight. I would like to take some time to lose weight and to become healthy before we begin trying.

7.You have to be completely selfless when you are a parent, and I feel as though right now I am not ready to give up my life. I know that may sound selfish, but that does not mean that when I am ready that I will not be selfless because I know I will give my child everything that they need.

8.I think I am just fearful of going through the process of child birth and of becoming a mom.

9.I am fearful of the pains of childbirth!

These are the reasons as to why I am just not ready at this moment to start having children. Now,I feel guilty not giving my husband what he wants, and he and his family constantly question me as to when I am going to start a family. But, how come they do not just give me my space and realize that when I am ready, it will happen?They need to respect my decision and realize that when the time comes, it will happen. As of right now, they are making me feel very guilty with the reason “do you want the baby to have an old father?” Now, mind you, my husband is 33 and I do not think there is anything wrong with a man starting a family in his late thirties. I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens.

My questions to those who are reading this post are:

1.How do you know when you truly are ready?
2.Is being a mom something that you should plan out?
3.Or… is being a mom something that you should not plan out and let it “just happen” as my husband says we should do.

Please give me some input…. It would be greatly appreciated!!!

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